The Christmas Consultant

This one is nothing short of batshit crazy. The David Hasselhoff stars (not kidding) as an event planner (stay with me) hired by a busy marketing executive (Caroline Rhea, last seen in god knows what) to organize her family's Christmas leading up to a Christmas Eve party intended to land an important client. Where the fuck to I even start? Critics said the Hoff was miscast, but what is a Christmas Consultant supposed to look like? That's the whole genius of it, the guy who drove KITT and ran down the beach is all dressed up in red and green, down to glasses and suspenders. Everything he does over the top, down to the acting, in which his inflections sound like a department store Santa on crystal meth. Along the way he's making candy cane martinis, taking the kids caroling with speakers and megaphones and simulating sleigh rides in the garage. The characters barely act like sane human beings, epitomized when Caroline nearly ruins her life because she's a little peeved she didn't get a thank you for doing pretty much nothing. Quite simply, this movie doesn't give a fuck how ridiculous it is and except for fleeting and predictable attempt at depth near the end, it never takes itself seriously. And that girl is NOT playing the guitar at the end. I mean, for fuck's sake, look at that picture. Nausea factor low. Christmas factor off the scale (it's in practically every frame). MSG approved, no apologies.