Sharing Christmas

Beautiful young owner of a Manhattan year round Christmas shop (Ellen Hollman, also seen in the MSG approved A Perfect Christmas List) faces eviction and finds romance with the representative of the real estate firm trying to force her out. How does that happen? He shows a little sympathy, the Hallmark Channel logo pops up in the bottom right corner and sparks fly. That happen in the real world? Probably not, but in Christmas Cheddar land it happens a lot (12 Trees of Christmas, Sound of Christmas, etc.). Naturally, no one gives a crap about reality in these things. First of all, again, this looks nothing like New York City, that is a very suburban looking block that's supposedly leading to our main setting, even the b-roll of the building's exterior is a shopping center in Colorado or someplace out west, according to what I read. They do actually have several shops like this here in Manhattan, but you ever been to one? The employees do not look like that, otherwise I might have found love while I was out shopping for an angel tree topper (I did not). In fact the most realistic thing about this movie is sunken look on Hollman's face when the realtor helping her find a possible new location tells her Manhattan's too expensive but she has some affordable properties in Jersey City, I had the same look of exhaustion and despair when my temp to perm freelance gig ended before the perm part kicked in. But the urban fantasy land is nothing we haven't seen before, and even if the plot isn't either, the yule sated boutique makes a fitting seasonal backdrop, and Hollman, while she may not have the energetic spunk of some of our better leads, is charismatic enough to carry the film. Bobby Campo does exactly what he did in the MSG Fav My Christmas Love, likably grin through the whole thing and managing to not look wooden or creepy. And it never hurts to have Hallmark's in-house milf Cynthia Gibb playing the tough but fair high-powered woman behind the man on hand. When are they gonna give her her own movie? She's still hot enough in my book. Christmas factor high, nausea factor moderate. MSG approved, and near the top of Hallmark's 2017 offerings.

Christmas Getaway

Raven haired beauty Bridget Regan leaves her John Wick arm and neck tattoos behind and returns to Christmas Cheddar territory after starring in 2015's MSG Approved Magic Stocking. That one was relegated to the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel, where the Hallmark executives drop the films that are either more dramatic or, are not all that different from flagship Hallmark Channel's romcom's but make one too many references to the dead wife or husband to be considered entirely lighthearted. It also upped the ante by specifying the husband's unfortunate demise in a car accident while on his way to buy their daughter the dog she wanted. A little big too heavy for brain checking escapism, but this is raven haired beauty Bridget Regan we're talking about.
Thank goodness we can drop that one from our December viewing after 2017 offered a much better alternative in the pop-friendly entry Christmas Getaway. Turns out Regan is actually a redheaded land-locked siren who let the back dye fade in time to play a travel writer who ends up latching on to a single dad and his daughter (a conveniently double-booked yule time cabin, gee, how the hell did that happen?) on their quest to fulfill all the items on her Christmas to do list (they keep calling it a "bucket list," so guys, don't forget that term means things to do before you die, we don't want to kick Regan back to Movies & Mysteries again). They say redheads are like other women, only more so, so if you're like me and have a weakness for Irish girls, look no further. If that's not you, well I'm happy to report that all the items on the obligatory "call casting and get us a sweet, adorable kid's" list drive the plot to hit all the Christmas bulletpoints: ice skating, cutting down and decorating a tree, gingerbread house contest, etc. Plus the usual Hallmark motifs are in full effect: snowed in, small town local customs, bonding with the love interest's child, saying, "It's not a date," (which is like the "Where's Waldo" of Christmas Cheddar scripts) and other conventions we've come to expect. Reagan's The Last Ship costar Travis Van Winkle (don't watch that show so never heard of him before, had to look that up) plays the lead male with an actual personality, and the inclusion of a 60's soul classic (licensing songs you actually know is not unheard of but pretty rare) anchors a surprisingly poignant climax. The result is Hallmark's best offering of 2017's Countdown to Christmas (or at least tied with Christmas Next Door, more on that later) and a must for your rotation, whether you love redheads or not. An MSG Fav.

Four Christmases and a Wedding

Arielle Kebbel is one of those actresses you've swear you've seen before but can't place where, even after checking her imdb page. Generic enough, she's still has enough charm to drive this yarn from Lifetime about an event planner and the guy she can never quite git wit year after year. Meanwhile there's a love triangle, a divorced sister, and a niece who doesn't age a day in four years and may be undead a la Kirsten Dunst in Interview With The Vampire. Don't worry, things work out for everyone, including the little vampire, who seems fine walking around during the day. Fans of Christmas Cheddar may be amused by what's either a meta reference or shameless cross promotion, when the gang sits down to watch the fair's nightly movie under the stars and it's the Lifetime Christmas Cheddar flick Dear Santa (MSG Approved, check for the review a few weeks ago), upon which Kebble declares, "Oh I love this movie!" Sharp fans will also recognize the film being screened in another scene as 2015's Becoming Santa. Christmas factor is moderately high, and the absence of a villain makes the nausea factor less annoying. MSG Approved.

Switched for Christmas

It's December so of course it's time for the Mother of the Countdown To Christmas Holy Trinity, Candace Cameron Buré. Here she plays twins who switch places: one a suburban schoolteacher and the other a city exec. They're both planning Christmas celebrations so the Christmas factor is moderate, and there's a breezy, casual atmosphere courtesy of director Lee Friedlander, probably the only Christmas Cheddar director who deserves credit for actually directing a movie (she helmed the MSG Fav A Gift Wrapped Christmas). A movie about planning a holiday party and Christmas fair should be more steeped in December imagery, but the nausea factor doesn't rise over moderate, and while the small town seems to be favored, the big city is not entirely dismissed. Not sure if I'd watch it again but after the crappy ones I tried to watch yesterday I'm feeling generous. MSG approved.

12 Days of Giving

No! Another questionable premise, more bad acting, and for a movie about giving in December, the Christmas factor is disappointingly low. No. Not MSG approved.

Under the Mistletoe

I'm about 20 minutes in and I'm shutting this off right now. Husband dies in a car accident, son talks to his ghost and argues with everyone, gets in fights, and I guess the mother's friends about about to enter her in a dating contest but this is a huge downer and it's about as Christmas as an episode of American Horror Story. Not MSG approved.

A Christmas Prince

Even Netflix is getting into it now. iZombie’s Rose McIver ditches the undead look to star as a reporter who goes undercover as a princess’ tutor to get the scoop on her big brother, a young jet setter who may be choosing to abdicate his inherited throne. Because this is Netflix, the film hit the radar of many not familiar with Christmas Cheddar and had no idea what to expect. Several articles reporting on Netflix's tweets to the 53 people who inexplicably watched this movie every day since it dropped, referred to it as trash, and Buzzfeed called it the worst Christmas movie of all time. Is it really that bad? No. In fact it's exactly the same as a typical Hallmark movie; literally the only difference is there's no Hallmark logo in the lower right of the screen. Actually, it's obvious from the very beginning when we're inundated with B-rolls of NYC to hide the fact that it was filmed in Canada somewhere. Wolmen's Skating rink? We've got that B-roll. New York Public Library? We've got that B-roll. Empire State Building? Radio City Music Hall? Rockefeller Center? We've got that B-roll. Does the actual outside set look anything like New York City? Of course not. Keep watching and it's exactly the same as a number of specific American vs royalty sub-genre films all over cable in December: free-spirited American finds her way into the royal home of a fictional country which is not Great Britain but everyone sounds British, causes havoc, draws the ire of the elders, then bonds with the child, charms the pants off everyone and before you know it, they can't live without her and the age appropriate male has fallen head over heals. Don't forget her arrival at the climactic ball in an elegant dress to make the snob's jaws drop. Cliched and predictable, but no more so than anything else in the Countdown to Christmas cannon, which should be a surprise to no one. What the fuck was Buzzfeed expecting, a Christmas episode of The Crown? Stranger Christmas Things? A Very Mindhunter Christmas? Oye. Meanwhile, as much as McIver's chalk white make up and platinum blonde wig from iZombie appeals to my inner goth, it is nice to see her au natural, even if it is without her sexy New Zealand accent. Speaking of, the film features two of the worst faked American accents I've ever heard; her father sounds like Brooklyn native in a production of Oliver Twist, and her boss' is so bad it's worth watching for that train wreck alone (just watch the first ten minutes and skip to the last ten, the scene at the end is especially bad). Is it a good movie? Of course not, this is not artistic cinema. But this is exactly the movie Netflix for some reason wanted to make. Is it good as far as Christmas Cheddar goes? Unfortunately not. While McIver is a delight and the cast is strong (the two accents excepted), it's just a December rom-com in which Christmas is an afterthought. Not MSG approved. Nice try though, Netflix.